Messy Life

Mom life is messy. A messy life. I know this because I thrive to be a stay at home mom. I’m very fortunate in this aspect. Because I get to be the one Who spends 24 hours a day, Cleaning up after them, Feeding them, Influencing them. And while, I recognize I’m so lucky. Because I don’t trust a lot of people. (Nothing against daycares) My husband and I decided Early on with Bo, That we needed to sacrifice. I was only working part time, And that wasn’t going to be Enough to cover daycare expenses. So we decided collectively. We would sacrifice together. And ensure that someone he loves was home. All the time. And then Bo died. And what once was a clean house, Slowly fell apart. Not literally f

Fighting Depression

She smiles brightly for all the world to see. But what lies beneath her smile simmers and demands to be felt. She breathes and fights as hard as she can. But fighting is exactly what happens in her mind. Her mind is a battlefield of right and wrong. Even when it feels right, it’s wrong. Wrong for all of the ways she’s pictured leaving this place. She hangs onto the imaginary problems, Like an anchor out at sea. She tries to embrace the storm, But the storm is a tsunami. A tsunami that spirals and spits. A tsunami that swallows her up. Up in the abyss. So far into the abyss that it’s an unending ocean. An ocean that’s swirling uncontrollably with drops of rain. Rain that spews out into tears

“God doesn’t give you more than you can...NOPE!”

So many people are quick to say it, The dreaded words of child loss, you are “so strong”— Or “God can only give you what you “can handle.” I haven’t had this for awhile. But today it occurred to me. As an elderly woman asked about My tattoo on my wrist. “Bo William? Who is that?” (I love hearing his name. My God. Do I love hearing his name!) But the unknowingly deep question, Naturally led to an answer. And I could feel the lump In my throat welt up, As soon as she mustered out the words- After I explained Bo’s story: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. And as I’ve chewed on that statement for a few hours. I have to tell you.. I’ve come here to tell you.. This could not be furth