Quiet Your Heart and Listen

I just have to share what God is doing. I have to share how He is working in my life. A few months ago, I ended up leaving a church that I loved very much. A church that I felt home in. A church that I was involved in. A church that gave my family someplace to look forward to. I enjoyed worship, I enjoyed the preaching, I enjoyed the small talk. I loved the people. But something happened. A friendship tethered at the seams And I was left heartbroken. Again. I wasn’t ready at all to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready for another loss. I wasn’t ready to deal with every day life without her. But I had to. I was given no other choice. And at first it was dreadful. At first I fell into a big pit of depr

The Dreaded Cemetery

My dear loss mom and dad, Have you ever struggled with the idea of going to your child’s cemetery? The place where they are sleeping the most peaceful sleep of their lives. I struggle. I struggle more than I would like to admit. At first it was a place of comfort to me. I thought well, maybe I can still parent my son if I am able to take care of the grass or the stone- if I can clean the stone off and make it look perfect or cut the blades of grass with a regular scissors. If I can weed out all of the weeds, if I can spray bug spray to make sure that there’s no insects around. I’ve thought about every single thing that you possibly could in regards to still being connected to my son.

Master Manipulators

It is extremely difficult to be manipulated in your life. It is even more difficult to experience manipulation when you have experienced the loss of your beloved child. If you or someone you know struggles with manipulation from your parents or somebody else in your family, you are not alone. This one is going to be tough. But I will be bluntly honest. Like I always strive to do. Completely transparent. I spent an hour in therapy yesterday. My amazing husband sat there in silence and just listened. That entire hour I spent sobbing. Not because my son isn’t here. Not because I feel stressed about carrying the weight of an organization. Not because other things in life get in the way.

Grandparents Hurt Too

So since July is the month for bereaved parents, I thought it would be more than acceptable to make a special blog post about grandparents. Before I had the pleasure of meeting my in-laws, I never knew true, authentic love. I thought that the way that they loved me, couldn’t get any better. But then I saw how they loved our children. I watched them open up to Ariana and to accept her as their own. Without any hesitation at all. I watched how they acted when Bo was born. They were always so supportive. Dropping everything at the drop of a dime. He was born and they were there. They stayed there the entire time that I was in labor. They knew boundaries and understood all of our fears. When we

You’re Not Helping

“You’re not being helpful, you’re not helping me at all, you’re not doing me a favor, Because your advice makes me fall.” If your advice has got something to do with “dwelling” “moving on” and/or the very generic, “grief timeline” —— Your advice that you are trying to give is unwarranted and unneeded because you are not walking the same path as I am. And the worst part is, *I don’t want you to walk my path.* Because it hurts like hell and only the strong survive. I wouldn’t wish this path on my worst enemy. But yet here I am. And since July is child loss awareness month I thought instead of talking about my son, Bo, which I so LOVE to do. I thought it would also be appropriate to mention to