Day 1,000

How can this be? 1,000 days have passed by. 1,000 days without my baby. Some days are easier than others. Less invasive thoughts and memories. Other days, I am hanging by a thread. A thread that dangles dangerously. Day 1,000 seems to be foggy. Unrealistic and coarse. People have said over and over, "You two are going to be divorced!" My husband and I have worked endlessly. Giving it every effort that we have. But day 1,000 is daunting and big. It is as if I'm staring at my giant. My giant is mean. It brings me to thoughts of suicide. My giant brings me to thoughts of leaving. But then I remember that I can stand. I can stand on a mountain, if I have to. And then I can overlook this giant. T

Shattering The Lies Event

•Shattering The Lies• Painted glass to be written on & shattered. Only to be glued together again to make something beautiful. Here is an outlook of what we did at our event. We are told many, many lies daily by ourselves and by others. Grief is a shattering process. It’s life altering and debilitating. Lies are a common part of life: they creep in at our weakest moments and blind us with torture and hurt. Throughout This Grief Process: How many lies have you believed? •Examples Of Lies From Within Yourself: I’m a burden to others, I can’t do this, I deserve this suffering, I’m a bad mom. I’m a bad dad. I need to distance myself from my spouse. I “Should have”......... I “could have”......

996.

996 Days have come and gone since I’ve last held my sweet boy. That many days that I’ve longed for his presence and laughter. I’ve missed his smile and the words he started to say. This Thursday will be 1,000 Days. That I’ve last held my son. How can it be that long? How can it be that far? The only positive about that is it’s 1,000 days closer to seeing him again. My God. Do I miss him. And want him home.

The Broken Mother’s Day

To the mother that has to experience this Mother’s Day without one of her children. I’m so sorry. I know that you’d do anything to bring your child back to you. I know because I would too. I would do anything to bring my son, Bo, back to me. This is my third Mother’s Day without him. I want to tell you that it gets easier. I want to tell you that you won’t have bad days. But I think we both know that I’d be lying. Bad days happen now. They are much worse than the bad days we once thought we knew. Back when we still had our innocence. When we still had our children here. I know that these bad days come more frequently, now. Especially when our mountain is right in front of us. The anticipatio

Things Not To Say to the Grieving Parent

As I sit here this morning and sip my coffee, I am reminded of how bittersweet some days can be. We come across people in our lives, sometimes every day. And when tragedy hits, those people tend to say the wrong thing. Maybe they’re trying to do good and they truly mean well. Or maybe, they are just trying to be nosy. Whatever the ulterior motive is- we must remember that most of these people are innocently ignorant. I can remember the day of my son, Bo's funeral. Just 10 months old, and in a tiny little white casket. Sleeping so peacefully. And in his visitation line there were people that came from so many different places just to show and pay their respects. But there was still that one p

International Bereaved Mother’s Day

Today is a source of pain. To be completely honest I’ve been burying it in the back of my mind. Similar to what I’ve done With my feelings. This face is someone that I miss so desperately. He is one that This imperfect world never got the chance to see. To his fullest potential, he just wasn’t there yet. And neither was I. It is so interesting how I am a viable witness to watch my entire world pass by around me. And yet, this little person that I spent every hour of my day with.... Just gone. And the world is OK with that. The world moves on. And all the while my heart is screaming in tears and torture. My mind constantly takes me back to when he was born, his first word, his first step. And