Letting You In and Letting Go

Finding beauty in everything is hard. To be honest, the world of child loss challenges you everyday to find it. I’ve found that throughout my life, And I’ve also had to learn to let go. My biological father and my mother were very young when I was born. I never got the luxury of seeing my dad daily, yet alone knowing what his name was. I never knew what it meant to have him tell me that I was beautiful or that I had his eyes, or his smile. I didn’t meet him until my own daughter was two years old and I started getting concerned about genetics. What diseases I would inherit from my paternal side. But still, I never got the father/daughter dance or to talk about who my daddy was at school. I h

“But Why Did He Have To Die?”

One thing that a lot of people That are not in the world of Child Loss Don’t understand is that even though We seem like we function “normally” - We are secretly dying inside. We as child loss parents Suffer with not only the Repeated reminders of our child That’s gone. But some of us have other children. Some of us have children that have endured, Just as much as we have. The silent struggle is beyond difficult. Her silent grief Is like a beautiful wind, That spins and twirls. That same wind comes and goes. Her grief, like ours. Never forgetting the bittersweet Memories that she carries deep in her pocket. And when those grief trains come- I brace myself and hang on tight. Like today, I hel

944

Nine Hundred Forty-Four Days. Since the very worst day of my life. 945 Days since I last held you. How does that happen? How does one go on? The days have flown by. For what seems to be for my benefit. And yet here I sit. Feeling frustrated And perhaps defeated. Some days hating the world. Here I sit 944 days later. Missing you. Missing you. I miss you. Thinking of you every single day. Remembering you as each day passes. And all the while, inside, Screaming. How did I make it 944 days without you? Meanwhile, longing for you. This journey has been a beautifully fragile, twisted whirlwind of emotion. But it has taught me one thing. It has taught me that life is worth living. Every second of i